When I was in 5th grade, I used to hide a can of Pringles underneath my bed. I also had selected items that friends gifted me like this crazy purple dress that was ready to be pulled and stuffed into the bag the Pringles can resided in. I had it in my head that if my parents or my sister really upset me one day, I would take items that my parents didn’t pay for and leave at night. The can of Pringles would never quite make it to the point of an argument because I would have already eaten it, so when I got mad and had no food, enough logic would set in and I would sleep it off.

I actually had a great childhood but there were moments where I just thought, I’m going to run away. I felt that my parents didn’t get me and I couldn’t always stand my sister. You know how siblings are. Needless to say, I never ran anywhere. And I didn’t run very far when it came to college.

Being at Texas for college has been an amazing experience. My undergrad here was a great four years. I came in hating college to loving everything about it. I fell for a lovely city and met the most interesting people, some I’m glad to still call my friend. But even during those years I used to comment to Kristan, sometimes I thought that if I took a leave of absence, other than my parents, no one would notice. (She’d always say she’d notice.) I could just temporarily disappear and see the world.

So then I really didn’t run away because I stayed at Texas for grad school, and it’s been phenomenal. I’ve surprised myself at how much I’ve accomplished and learned. I’ve traveled and worked in New York over breaks, visited major cities for fun and academia. But I always come back.

I don’t know why I have this crazy urge to run away, but everytime I think about going, my annoying built-in rational voice kicks in and tells me things like, how are you going to afford this? How are you going to communicate in different languages? Is it safe? Can you honestly deal with dirty bathrooms? What would your parents think?

I think Stephen’s short homecoming really riles up a lot of those suppressed desires to just go. Anywhere. But in meeting people and learning how superficial relationships can be, I’ve also realized, it’s the good ones that matter more to me than just minimizing all connections and traveling. I have to travel with someone I care about. Although I’ve had moments these last few weeks of the semester thinking about how I want to streamline my connections. What’s the point of having a “friend” on facebook you never talk to (I always say yes to friend requests, because I realize in the end what’s the harm)? Why would I keep the phone number of a “friend” I never even hang out with? Why go out with “friends” who just want a posse as a back-up basis? Why spend time with “friends” who make you feel lonely or are disrespectful?

Austin, who’s housed me for almost six years, is becoming just a city to me. It no longer has the relationships that keep me emotionally satisfied. They don’t live here anymore. I don’t mean this in the strictest sense because there are some great people–I mean friends! that I really do appreciate, but they are here at a place where I was maybe just last year. I’m not considered the same. I’m somewhere else.

So I wonder who’s going to run away with me? Where should we go?