I am becoming 19 again. Even though this was only a few years ago, the difference between now and then is hard to believe. It was also the last time I was single, and I find it fitting because I’ve spent these last few weeks of the semester hanging out with 19-year-olds. At first, I was afraid of the immaturity. Certain things they would do, I thought, “I’m too old for this, I would never do that anymore.” But then, why not?
I’m revisiting my former self. The one who let her guard down. Who didn’t plan her retirement. Who was just a little vain, if not a little indulgent too. Who knew how to play coy. Who didn’t back down. Who actually embarrassed herself, immensely. In being an adult, I pushed away my inquisitiveness, and now they are fighting to breathe again. My 19-year-old self breathed passion.
I told Kristan that if there was one word to describe the last weeks of this semester, my life was staccato. Let’s prolong it to a whole note before I revert back to my older self.
I’m watching Ocean’s Eleven after an emotional day, and dialogue like this reminds me of what makes this movie so great, so re-watchable.
Tess: I’m with Terry now.
Danny: Does he make you laugh?
Tess: He doesn’t make me cry.
Over Thanksgiving break when we were both home, O and I went to grab lunch at Ruggles mainly for their sweet potato fries. At the register I asked him if we wanted to split the bill, and he says, “It’s on me. You always say no one treats you. Now you can’t say that!”
Now that we’re home for winter break, O, next one is on me!
I saw this news story the other day:
State laws fail to curb teens’ indoor tanning
An estimated 30 million Americans are customers of the nation’s 25,000 indoor tanning businesses, according to the Indoor Tanning Association.
Tanning parlors are popular with girls and young women. As many as one in three girls use indoor tanning, some studies suggest. Researchers say the rates may be even higher among female college students.
U.S. cases of melanoma have been increasing. It’s not clear to what extent indoor tanning has played a role in that trend, but people who start indoor tanning when they’re young have a higher risk of melanoma, scientists say. Melanoma can almost always be cured if caught early.
There are laws restricting tanning? That’s news to me. Granted, I never fake-baked myself, despite being from Texas, the land of gorgeous orange-skinned blondes. I did, however, try some of these new “glow” lotions that are out (i.e. self-tanners with moisturizing benefits).
I have to say, the Jergens and Olay did nothing for me — I think results are going to be different for everyone — but the L’Oreal had an SPF AND darkened my skin without turning me orange! I thought that was pretty awesome. But it was also a lot of effort, rubbing that stuff all over me every night, making sure not put anything on my skin while it dried, washing my hands two or three times so they didn’t turn super dark…
Then I wondered, What’s so bad about being pale??
When I was in 5th grade, I used to hide a can of Pringles underneath my bed. I also had selected items that friends gifted me like this crazy purple dress that was ready to be pulled and stuffed into the bag the Pringles can resided in. I had it in my head that if my parents or my sister really upset me one day, I would take items that my parents didn’t pay for and leave at night. The can of Pringles would never quite make it to the point of an argument because I would have already eaten it, so when I got mad and had no food, enough logic would set in and I would sleep it off.
I actually had a great childhood but there were moments where I just thought, I’m going to run away. I felt that my parents didn’t get me and I couldn’t always stand my sister. You know how siblings are. Needless to say, I never ran anywhere. And I didn’t run very far when it came to college.
I have a (short) paper due tomorrow, and I’m working on it right now. I’ve spent some time and specifically seven hours (straight) today working on a project with a terrible client. Not only that I had a case of food poisoning and consumed more Gatorade today than I have in my life. I didn’t get to attend my workout class because I tried to capture what little sleep I could. Plus my headache won’t go away. Yet somehow I’m still chugging along.
And you know what? I’m happy. I’m sitting here calm, peaceful (granted I have my outbursts of crazy) just trying to figure out what I want to say in this paper.
This past weekend I got to spend time with my friend Stephen, who patiently chauffeured me around for my errands and group meetings. He did this happily, no complaints because it didn’t matter to him what we did, as long as the quality relationship was there. It got me thinking of how content he was at the present, however it molded to be. And I thought, why can’t I be this calm and stress-free? While Stephen doesn’t have impending deadlines and emotions to manage and I’m always going to live with the adrenaline in my work, I should try to maintain some of that peace. So I’m keeping positive because we all could use a little positive.
Check in at 2 a.m. if I’m still working on this paper and happy!
This is a medley of random goodness you may receive when you come home for Thanksgiving. While it’s mostly for me, I feel that this illustrates how little good things in life do occur, so we shouldn’t discount them so readily.
Despite the paper I have to write and a project (with a terrible client) that I have to do, this holiday break is only going to get better! Plus I can’t wait to see two of my bestest friends in the world in a few days.
Kim, a ridiculously sweet and cute friend (we help lead Students for a Sustainable Campus in the CEC together), decided to have a girls night sleepover this weekend. I brought cookies from the Cookie Lounge (a slightly higher-priced, requested less buttery versions, of Tiff’s Treat). It was a giggle fest, talking about boys, school, boys, language (Spanish majors), Latin boys, etc. I met some great girls and was very glad I went. You have to wonder why, as we “mature”, why we don’t do simple events like this like when we were younger. It allows for so much more bonding, intimacy among friends and a pressure-free environment (as opposed to people going to clubs, dressing to impress and drinking). If you can tell, this weekend for me was about little, simple, very PG pleasures. Don’t you just miss walking around in the wind? Or just being youthful?
Earlier that morning, I also got to hang with Eunice and other ad grad girlfriends shopping on South Congress and having brunch at South Congress Cafe. Might I add there are some vintage deals at New Bohemia’s sale. The entire day was just so great with this lunch/shopping and the sleepover. As much as I complain about groups of girls being catty and that I can’t stand it, when you have a genuinely sweet group of girls, the dynamic is flat out better and worth it.
Way lame title, however, it was fun just goofing and catching up with Stephen. He’s been gone for over a year in China teaching English as well as frolicking around Southeast Asia. Envious, me? You bet. I’ll just live vicariously through Stephen when he goes to Korea next.
As a girl and a teenager, and maybe even last year, I used to listen to this song and wish desperately for a love like theirs.
Last night, I realized I had found it.
and every once in a while
you could see him get up, and he’d head downtown
’cause he heard about something she wanted
and it just had to be found
didn’t matter how simple or how much it was
and, boy, ain’t that love just something
when it’s strong enough to keep a man goin’
over the line, working overtime
everything just to hear her say
she don’t deserve him
but he loves her
he just kept going overboard
over the limit to afford
everything he knew she wanted
’cause without her, where would he be?
see, it’s not for her
she is his only need
