The voltage between their jadedness and my innocence was bound to make one of us unhappy and it wasn’t going to be them.

(author Jonathan Franzen in an interview)

Sometimes I wish I could forget. But then would I un-learn the lessons I paid for so dearly?

It’s not that I’m bitter (except, maybe I am just a little). And it’s not that I would do things differently (because I don’t think I was wrong). But I can’t help looking back on that time — not often, but more often than I’d like.

Sometimes it’s hard to forget the people they used to be.

Sometimes I don’t recognize myself in the person they almost made me become.

Through my family I’m ethnic Taiwanese, but I’m called Chinese (or the box Asian/Pacific Islander on forms), although I look Korean–enough that Koreans ask if I am. I’m 100% born and raised in Texas but my (non) accent isn’t Southern enough. Because I’m not “white” people ask where I’m from originally as in what country I’m from. Apparently I act “white,” although I thought I just acted like an American–my nationality, as Europeans have qualified me as “so American” or “so Asian” when it comes to certain things.

For what it’s worth, I hope you’re happy. I hope you look back on me with fondness. Maybe there’s a part of me that wants you to want me now… but that’s a bit petty and useless. It would be enough if we could look at each other and smile, and mean it.

I watched Sex and the City 2 tonight with a girlfriend from work, and despite any cheesy and obvious jokes (and poor ticket sales), we conclusively liked it. After watching it I had this wonderful feeling stepping out into Times Square: I am in my twenties, living in New York, have a great job, and potentially going to France for a trip. While not everything in my life is perfect, I have been living life and making my own SATC moments.

New York isn’t Austin, but I am here and have big dreams. Let’s watch them happen.

Everyone says it’s unnatural to be friends. I’m questioning it now.